You've Got A Friend.......Or Do You????

There was a study done recently which focused on friendship. According to this study, we have less close friends than we did twenty years ago. I suppose this study costs lots of money which probably came from some grant, but I could have told them (those who conducted the study) for free because I have less friends and so does my husband and everyone else I know. It's not that we don't have any friends......we do, but like everyone else we are too busy working at our jobs, fixing our house, schlepping our kids all over that friendships have taken a backseat. Most of the time I really don't think about it too much, but, like now during the summer months when I'm off from work, I do miss getting together with people like I did when I was younger. No one has time to hang out anymore or problem sharing is a thing of the past. I recently found out that a friend of mine (more like an acquaintance) is getting divorced. I did call her, but she never returned my call. I understand though. I'm not a close friend. That slot has already been filled by someone else and apparently, according to this study, that's all we need to share our troubles with. There was recently an article written about this in Newsday and they published a list of things to do to build friendships. Although I will share some of that with you here, I am also going to interject my own thoughts. Here are some things you can do to help build long-lasting friendships:
1) Reach out to someone you don't know. This is a hard one, but actually it's easy to do just by volunteering your time. I volunteer a couple of hours a week at a local hospital and have met some wonderful people there. I'm not only doing something good for others, but it's good for me too. If you can't do that then join a gym or go to church or temple.
2) Throw a party and invite all those people you haven't spoken to in years. They're probably sitting home, just like you, waiting for someone to ask them first. Someone has to make the first move (just like dating!) so go for it. From there you can make lunch or dinner plans. In short, reconnect with who you already know.
3) Be empathetic. This is a tricky one because although like me, you probably want to be helpful and sympathetic to people, you also don't want to be a doormat. Nevertheless, friends should be there for each other, but it's important to strike a balance. It's nice to be needed, but be careful of friends who are, how shall we say, too needy.
4) Building trust with people. This does take a leap of faith and like any intimate relationship, you can and will get burned. The tricky part comes in allowing yourself to be open again to friendships, even though you've been burned by people in the past who have either lied to you, borrowed money and never saw it again or stole your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife (you get the picture!). The important thing is to get past it and forge new, healthy relationships.
5) Get off the computer! This, in my own opinion, is probably the single most damaging aspect of the downfall of friendships. We spend entirely too much time online and not enough time in real, intimate relationships. If you do spend time online and are looking for friends, considering joining an online group or message board that involves a favorite hobby. Right out of the gate, you will have something in common with people. Of course, there's always blogging. I've met some nice people that way. The important thing to do is to try and forge connections with your computer if that's where you feel most comfortable. Like the song says, "you've got to have friends" and that's no joke!